Table of Contents





Tom Moore's Computer Terms

BACKUP- What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE- Them's the fight'n rule down at the local tavern
BUG- The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE- What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE- Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP- Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL- Time to call the undertaker
CRASH- When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL- The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE- Female Disco dancer
FAX- What you lie about
IRS HACKER- Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARDCOPY- Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET- Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD- Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC- Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ- How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM- What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD- Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK- Scoop'n up a fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE- Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM- Where the Pope lives
SCREEN- Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT- A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR- Amtrack's Employee of the Year
SCSI- What you call your week-old underwear
BTWK -Tom

The Computer Hillbillies

Don't forget to sing along.....

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed,
A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed,
Then one day he was talking to a recruiter,
Who said, "they pay big bucks when ya work on a computer..."

UNIX, this is... CRTs... Workstations...

Well, the first thing ya know ol' Jed's an Engineer,
The kinfolk said "Jed, move away from here",
Said "Arizona is the place ya oughta be",
So he bought a bunch of donuts and he moved to Ahwatukee...

Intel, that is... dry heat... no amusement parks...

On his first day at work, they stuck him in a cube,
Fed him a lot of donuts and sat him at a tube,
They said "you project's late, but we know just what to do,
Instead of 40 hours, we'll work you 52!"

OT, that is... unpaid... mandatory...

The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad,
Schedules started slipping and some managers were mad,
They called another meeting and decided on a fix,
The answer was quite simple... "We'll work him sixty-six!"

Tired, that is... stressed out... no social life...

Months turned to years and his hair was turning grey,
Jed worked very hard while his life had slipped away,
Just waiting to retire when he turned 64,
Instead he got a call and was escorted out the door.

Laid off, that is... de-briefed... unemployed...

Now the moral of the story is dont't listen when you're told,
Companies will use you and discard you when you're old,
So gather up your friends and start up your own firm,
Go beat the competition, and watch the bosses squirm.

Millionaires, that is ... Kenny Troutt... Bill Gates... Steve Jobs...

Has to be a true story... Who could make such a thing up!


By John Hazard, formerly with Hirsch, now working at Stone Soup in New York.


Anonymous



C'mon - you've got a little bit of the artist in you, or you wouldn't be in this business! Contact us at gazette@EmbroideryMall.com about contributing a cartoon.